I would be dishonest if I said that my experience during this ‘quarantine’ has been less complex. I would be even more dishonest if I said that I have been handling this hasty change with ease. What I am trying to say is, ever since the break of COVID-19, my world seemed to have been abrupt — affecting me mentally more than most. Financially, I felt safe. Socially, I felt content. Emotionally, I felt eh‘. But mentally, I felt numb.
Truth is, I lost complete site of my inspiration – even forgot my life purpose and the reason as to why I was doing all of this for. More free time meant having more time to spend on social media – which meant, more time to compare my circumstances to others. When in reality, I honestly don’t even give a fuck.
Not being able to create content. Not being able to assist on a film set. Not being able to walk around a fabric store for constant inspiration. Not being able to take pictures. Not being able to attend local creative events. Not being able to travel. This shit has really hit me hard. I began finding myself filling voids in foreign places with foreign people. I just wanted to feel again. I guess that is what depression can mirror — except, that isn’t what hit me this time. This is not a “sad post” – this is a “ima keep this shit real because I know I’m not the only one that is mentally affected by this” post. This is a “check on your friends” post. This is a “stop letting people pressure you to complete goals during this time BUT focus on your mental health first” post. This is a “we are all in this together” post – because, honestly, we ARE truthfully all in this together.
Despite the negative effects that this has had on me mentally, I have received some of the greatest blessings throughout this quarantine (which is why I don’t hate it here so much). With those blessings in which I have received, I was able to see the light through all of this. God has a humorous way of working – he will bless you even through the times you feel that you may not deserve NOR see it coming in your direction.